HOT JOKES

There was a young man of DevizesWhose balls were of two different sizesThe one was so small'Twas nothing at allBut the other - it won several prizes!

She stood on the bridge at midnight,her heart was all a quiver.She gave a cough,her tits fell off,and floated down the river.

There once was a couple named Kellywho spent life belly to bellyfor in their hastethey used library pasteinstead of petrolium jelly.

There once was a young man from AyreWho wanted to do something Dire.He lighted the thatch of his Grandmotherssnatch.Then laughed as she pissed out the fire.

There once was a girl named Alisha who said if my pussy dont please ya I' ll sell you my bum for the very same some just watch out my tape worm dont seize ya.

There once was a soldier named YatesHe did a fandango on skatesHe fell on his cutlassWhich rendered him "nutless"And practically useless on dates!

A lady who lived in Darjeeling,professed to lack sexual feeling.A cynic named Boris,tongue swiped her clitoris,And they peeled her off of the ceiling!

There was a man from BrazilWho invented the atomic pill.His balls corroded his dick explodedAnd his ass was found in Seville.

There was a young man from Kent whose dick was so long that it bent.He got into troublewhen he stuck it in doubledand instead of coming, he went.


There was a young man from BombayWho modeled a cunt of of clayBut the heat of his prickTurned the clay into brickWhich wore all his foreskin away.

There was a young man from BostonWho drove around in an AustinHe had room for his assAnd a gallon of gasBut his nuts hung out and he lost 'em
Here i sit on the pooperGiving birth to an ohio trooper

The night was dark, the sky was bluedown the alley the shit wagon flewa bump was hit, a scream was hearda man was killed by a flying turd
Little miss muffet sat on her tuffetspreading her legs so wideAlong came a spider, looked up inside her and said Damn that pussys wide


There was a young girl from Coles Hillwho tryed a dynamite stick for a thrillthey found her vagina in North Carolina And bits of her tits in Brazil.


In the days of old when men were bold and rubbers were'nt invented, they wrapped a sock around their cock, and babys were prevented!

There once was a man from Peru, who did'nt what to do, so on his way to Venus, he played with his penis,and ended up with a hand full of goo!

There was a man from Waleswho lived on puke, snot,and snails,when he couldn't get these, he lived on the cheese, that he picked from his dick with his nails...

There was a young man from Lachinewho invented a fucking machine,both concave and convex-to suite either sex,With a jug at the end for the cream.

There was a young fellow from HorshamWho took off his balls to warsh 'emHis mother said Jack, if you don't put 'em backI'll jump on the bastards and squash 'em!

Funny News

An American hit the Guinness Book of Records as the world's top stone skimmer after throwing a stone that skipped on water 51 times. It was last July 19 when Russell Byars, 43, from Pennsylvania, shattered the previous world record of 40 skims.


A man who lost his leg twice, first when it was amputated, and second when all his possession were auctioned, has formally started his battle of trying to reclaim his parted limb from a man who bought his amputated leg at an auction. His leg was reportedly in his barbecue smoker when it was sold. The Daily Telegraph reported that John Wood's leg, which was amputated after a plane crash in 2004, is now the subject of a tug-of-war between him and Shannon Whisnant, the man who bought the barbecue smoker with the amputated leg.

Yorkshire folk are disturbed and baffled by a phantom sculptor who is leaving mysterious stone heads outside their homes. So far, The Sun has reported that at least nineteen heads have appeared across Yorkshire, each different but bearing the same carved symbol that appears to spell the word "paradox. "


A convent in Italy is finally closing down due to infighting between its last three remaining nuns. Reports say that the head of the convent, the Mother Superior was brought to a hospital with scratches to her face after the fight between the sisters of the Santa Clara convent in Bari.

World in Conflict game review

It goes without saying that it's a good thing World War III didn't erupt between the United States and the now-defunct Soviet Union. For many of us who were children during the Cold War, the fear of being annihilated in a nuclear conflict was very real. So it's a bit strange now that we can look back at that era and have the luxury of imagining what could have been. Or we can play World in Conflict, Sierra and Massive Entertainment's incredible new real-time strategy game. This isn't your standard RTS game, as World in Conflict doesn't follow the familiar model of resource gathering, base building, and swarming armies. Instead, it feels almost like an action game masquerading as a strategy game, and it offers up a relentlessly fun and amazing new approach to the genre, one that works in single-player and even more so in multiplayer.

World in Conflict brings World War III to life on your desktop.
World in Conflict is set in an alternate-history version of 1989. Instead of the Berlin Wall falling and communism collapsing, the Soviet Union launches an assault on Western Europe, and the United States rushes its forces in to aid its Western allies. Four months into the conflict, after the US Navy has been attrited down, the USSR launches a surprise invasion in Seattle and pushes inland. In the 14-mission single-player campaign, you play as a company commander who is part of the meager US defense; there is no campaign from the Soviet perspective, though you can play as the Red Army in multiplayer. However, the campaign twists and weaves, letting you experience a sample of the European conflict, battle in remote areas of the Soviet Union, and bring the fight to New York City.
Yes, the story is a bit far-fetched, but World in Conflict does a great job of making the implausible seem believable. That's partly due to the excellent storytelling, which is spearheaded by pitch-perfect narrator Alec Baldwin. He's backed up by a great voice acting cast that brings the principle and secondary characters to life, along with a story that offers up emotional and sometimes humorous vignettes from a world at war. For instance, you'll hear a soldier's futile battle against Army bureaucracy, the phone conversation of a husband and wife, and the deliberations of the president and his top military advisors. While there's a small misstep or two, such as a gospel song in the weirdest of places, the game effectively tugs at your heartstrings, which is rare for a strategy game, especially when it concerns the fate of one character whom you presume to be entirely one-dimensional but isn't. Some of these vignettes are conveyed through in-game cutscenes, while others are delivered through graphic-novel-style drawings. World in Conflict also features some incredible prerendered cutscenes that are so good you actually wish there were more of them.
This isn't a hardcore wargame or simulation. There are far too many gameplay abstractions for that, from being able to air-drop reinforcements on the battlefield within seconds to repairing equipment almost instantly. Instead, World in Conflict is thrilling game about destruction. You get to unleash all the firepower of modern military units on an open battlefield, but you also get to experience the challenges of combined arms warfare. That's because the game has a great rock-paper-scissors combat system that captures the vicious circle of war. Tanks can kill tanks and other vehicles well, but aren't so good against infantry. Artillery can kill infantry easily, but aren't so good against tanks. Helicopters can knock out vehicles well, but are vulnerable to infantry and antiaircraft units. It's a constant chess match about what you need to bring to battle and how you use it. The game is also smart enough to limit the number of units you can control. Instead of commanding the entire battlefield, you'll have only a relative handful of units. This makes managing your units a lot easier, like when employing their secondary abilities such as popping smoke grenades to create cover when under attack.

Destruction has rarely looked so good.
Then there's the game's excellent resource system. You're given a pool of reinforcement points that you can use to purchase units. Naturally, the powerful units cost a lot more than weaker ones, so you've got to choose quantity over quality. But it goes a bit deeper than that, as different classes of units have different abilities. For instance, light helicopters are some of the best scouts in the game, able to locate enemies from a distance, but they're extremely vulnerable. Medium helicopters are able to shoot down other helicopters with their air-to-air missiles, but they don't do a lot of damage to armor. Heavy helicopters can eat tanks for breakfast, but aren't effective against other helicopters. So while your initial inclination might be to load up on heavy choppers and go after enemy armor, a wise player recognizes that there are many roles to play on the battlefield. If your units are destroyed, their cost is slowly refunded back into your reinforcement pool, so you can order up replacements, although veteran units are more effective, giving you an incentive to keep your experienced units alive as long as possible.
The nice thing about this system is that it effectively gives you an unlimited number or resources and units to work with, so it's fairly forgiving to nontraditional strategy gamers. If that seems a bit easy, don't worry, because World in Conflict can also ratchet up the pressure by tossing in time limits. For instance, you might have to seize a town in less than 45 minutes, or achieve another objective in far less time. The margins for error are much smaller when you're working under a deadline.

Aside from reinforcement points, the only other resource in the game is tactical aid points, which are accumulated whenever you perform a vital role on the battlefield. You earn points by killing the enemy, but you also earn points by seizing and fortifying objectives, repairing friendly vehicles, transporting infantry around the battlefield, and so on. Tactical aid is like the icing on the cake, because you can use these points to purchase all sorts of powerful and utterly cool things. You can call in air strikes, napalm strikes, cluster bombers, mortar barrages, artillery barrages, chemical warfare, airborne reinforcements, precision artillery, fighter cover, and much more. The ultimate tactical aid is also the most awesome one: tactical nuclear weapons. World in Conflict features the best-looking mushroom clouds in gaming, and when they go off the screen flashes white and you hear the high-pitched sound of electronics frying. It's essentially the chilling sound of death.